Talk Like A Pirate Day
A pirate walks into a bar. He's got the big ship's steering wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. He says to the bartender, "Arr, gimme a cup o' beer." The bartender pours him a beer and says, "That sure looks uncomfortable, buddy." And the pirate says, "Yarr. It's drivin' me nuts."
...and my all-time favourite pirate joke:
A much respected captain was sailing the high seas with his crew when, from the crow's nest, the lookout calls, "PIRATE SHIP ON THE HORIZON!" The captain turns to his first mate and commands, "Bring me my red shirt!" He dons his red shirt and leads his men into battle as the pirate's attempt to board. In no time, they have turned back the scurvy dogs and revel in their victory.
The next morning brings another call from the crow's nest. "THREE PIRATE SHIPS ON THE HORIZON!" The captain again turns to his first mate and hollars, "Bring me my red shirt!" He is just able to get the shirt on when the pirate ships pull even with the bow. After much clashing of swords and a pistol shot or two, the ship's men are able, under the direction of their captain, to beat back the onslaught and defeat all three ships full of pirates.
That night, they're raising their tankards in celebration and one of the crewmen speaks: "Captain, it was a grand victory today, but why do you always call for your red shirt when we go into battle." The captain responds, "You men look to me for leadership on the seas and for fortitude in battle. I wear a red shirt so that, if I'm wounded in battle, the blood will not show and my men will fight on with full faith in their captain." The crew sleeps soundly that night, knowing that they have a brave, wise man helming the ship.
The next morning, however, there comes another call from the crows nest. "CAPTAIN! TEN PIRATE SHIPS ON THE HORIZON!" The captain turns to his first mate and commands him, "Bring me my brown pants!"